How to Avoid Making Friends on a Cruise

A quick and painless guide to avoiding eye contact, small talk, and a group experience with people you will never see again.

Millennial with a recent addiction to cruising? Welcome to the club. Ever since I popped my cherry on a Virgin Voyage, I’ve been hooked on ticking off multiple countries without logistical stress. But just because I now choose to satisfy a desire for adventure by way of ship, doesn’t mean I want what an army of new friends who, let’s face it, I’ll never see again.

I go away to spend quality time with loved ones, or myself if traveling solo, so making small talk for a week is, quite frankly, not my idea of a vacation. I do enough of that at work, thank you. Plus, I’m British. If you’re using precious annual leave time on a cruise, don’t feel bad for wanting to focus your energies on making memories with your spouse, not Karen and Paul from Florida. I’ve learned to avoid inviting unwanted attention, both on large and boutique ships, without (to my knowledge) offending the friendly folk on board. Here, I share them with you, dear cruiser, so that your next jaunt on the seas doesn’t look like an episode of White Lotus.